the backstage epiphany

where reality is so subjective it's entirely optional

Monthly Archives: June 2006

Déjà vu

“It’s expiration dating.” – Sarah Jessica Parker @ Carrie Bradshaw, Sex & the City: Season 6: Episode 8: The Catch

Six months ago had been faced with the prospect of a long-distance relationship, and had made the mistake of balking at it. And now that am faced with it again and have decided not to balk at it, but in fact accept it, am told that there won’t be a long-distance relationship to speak of anymore. So now can only pray that each day crawls by excruciatingly slowly, and just live for the day.

There was a time, years ago, when I would have given up everything for a man. And I know now that I would still give up everything for a man.

Je t’aime avec ma vie, mais apparemment que ce n’est pas assez.



Life has become more routine than ever. Have been getting up between 12PM and 1PM everyday, then just milling around the house all day, leaving only to go for class on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. Am staying at home so much that tomorrow will make it three weeks since the last time had to buy gas for the car. Have not bought gas since June 1; it’s unreal.

The Bible research is not going too well. Have to work with a software that hasn’t even been completed yet, on a computer that’s three years old and dying before own eyes, and translate the Genesis gospel from Chinese, French, Greek, Hebrew, Spanish and Korean into English. Am terified that will never finish by the end of the summer.


It’s a feeling you can never shake, no matter how hard you try not to think about it.

I live in a glass house. There’s always that feeling of doom that a tiny grain of sand will hit the wall, and the whole house will shatter.

A clash of worlds (not wills)

Summer has only just started, and already it feels like it’s been going on forever. Have begun research with COM 489 TA Ben Elbirt, and it’s a lot more work than expected. The research involves comparing the Bible in three languages — English, French and Malay — and looking at the semantic differences and similarities. Will have to write a paper on it at the end, and Ben is hoping to get it published in a journal. Also met with advisor Janeen Wilder yesterday, and she has confirmed that will be able to graduate in December, and if am able to drag the GPA up, will graduate magna cum laude, or if can at least keep the current GPA where it’s at, will graduate with just cum laude. Better than sine laude, I suppose.

Received the horrifying news last night that the quota for the H1 visa applicants has been filled. The application window was opened in April and is supposed to close in August, but it took less than two months to fill the quota. Now the mans either has to go back to school in the hopes of prolonging his stay in this country, or go back to Malaysia when his OPT ends in November. Everything looks so bleak from where I’m standing, and I’m not even the one who’s looking for a job.