the backstage epiphany

where reality is so subjective it's entirely optional

Monthly Archives: August 2006

My way

That’s how things will go now, make no mistake about it.

The fire that was once there is now no longer
The brightness went away, and embers it became
The warmth that was once there has since grown colder
And it hurts to know that I have only myself to blame


All together again

Had first Royal Pitches meeting today, at Maddi’s apartment in Hadley Village. It was good to see some of them again, especially Maddi, Shannyn and Saralin. As awful as it may sound, some of the Pitches have already started grating on every last nerve. On extremely short notice, the Pitches — along with the Chips — will be singing at the Welcome Back Weekend Concert this Saturday in the Student Union Theater. So now there’s a mad rush to get seven songs together and work them out before Saturday. Hopefully there will be more gigs this semester, and more publicity, unlike the fiasco with MASA Night which ended in only six Malaysians come for the Winter Concert. Then there will be the ordeal of auditions again later in September, and am not in the least looking forward to them. The only bright spot is that only one new soprano is needed — two at the most — so will not have to endure so many new girls again like last semester.

Bravo indeed

“Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.” — William Shakespeare, Hamlet

It’s unbelievably ingenious. So much so that I’m ashamed I didn’t think of it myself earlier.

Fortunately, I just did.

You don’t need to stick your finger into the pie to be able to taste it.

Bravo, cheri. Tu es le meilleur.

If something seems to good to be true, it probably is. At least where I’m concerned.

I really thought the tide had turned. I should have known better.

The end of the summer

Summer accomplishments:

  • 2 classes
  • 1 research
  • Moving
  • Weight loss (purely because of home cooking and the lack of American food, as am not — and have not been since finishing high school — partial to exercise)

Summer non-accomplishments:

  • Going anywhere out of Buffalo (which was own fault, really, as could have been in Missouri right this minute, and Manhattan tomorrow, but in the end decided not to go as did not want to go alone because the mans flatly refused to go)
  • Getting a job (also own fault, as had not been too keen to work in the first place)

All in all, not a bad summer.

My touch with reality

Am talking to sorely-missed Becca online, who asked about current predicament over the impending long-distance (or otherwise) relationship. Upon telling her that may just decide to go home if it comes to that, the galling realization dawned that it’s either give up life for love, or give up love for life. Either way, it looks bleak.

But then Becca, being Becca, offered some comfort by saying, “Going back to Malaysia doesn’t guarantee misery… You could do well… God knows it’s less competition because half the country can’t speak to begin with.”


Got a call from Sofiya on Tuesday, which was really nice as had not spoken to her on the phone in a long time. Have missed her a lot since she went to London last September, and the great thing about us is that no matter how seldom we talk, we always somehow manage to catch up.

As usual, was talking to her about relationships past and present, and ended up telling her about own relationship which has been wired to a timebomb. Upon hearing that my relationship will end due to the mans’s reluctance towards long-distance, she asked a brain-racking question:”So, if he goes home, why don’t you go with him?”

Why not, indeed?

The one thing everybody dreams of doing but never really dares to do. How much are we willing to sacrifice for the ones we love? It’s all very well for us to say, “I love you with my life,” but when it comes time to choose between love and life, where is the line to distinguish between the two? If one can’t exist without the other, then how do we compromise so that we get both? And if we can’t compromise, and have to give one up, which one would it be? According to Sofiya, “You may be giving up your dreams if you go with him, but at least you’ll have him.” Admittedly, she made sense. But then once we’ve decided which one to give up and which one to keep, then it becomes a gamble, and regardless of what we choose, it’s a gamble for our own lives. There can be no room for regrets, or ‘buyer’s remorse’, or even a shadow of a doubt that we made the wrong decision.

As have mentioned before, one of the greatest ongoing battles ever fought in the history of mankind is the one between the logical side and the emotional side of the brain. No matter how hard or how bravely they fight, the emotional side somehow ends up winning most of the time, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but things may just be better if the logical side had won in the first place. Now the emotional side of my brain is inching towards going home if needs be, and the logical side is planted firmly on American soil. And once again, no marks for guessing which side I’m on.