the backstage epiphany

where reality is so subjective it's entirely optional

Monthly Archives: November 2006

An opportunity arises

Just learned today that am not required to audition for the choir that’s going to Radio City Music Hall in February! So am definitely going for the Ennio Morricone concert on February 3, so will just have to train the new Soprano 1 for the Pitches and let them fend for themselves when it comes time for the ICCA Quarterfinals. Unfortunately, the very same concert at the United Nations on February 2 will not involve the UB Choir, as it’s scheduled for the exact same time as the Radio City dress rehearsal. Will not, obviously, be travelling down to Manhattan with the rest of the choir, as it would be about an 8-hour bus ride, and am not going to be housed with members of Professor Rosenbaum’s Westchester Oratorio Society again, so am going to fly down there and stay in own hotel room.

Will have to be at the Pitches table in the Student Union tomorrow at 1PM, and pass out flyers with a great big fake smile to people who don’t even know what acappella music is (ignoramuses in question being, not surprisingly, Malaysians). Fortunately, the gig at the ghetto Southside Buffalo school on Friday has been cancelled, so will not have to trundle all the way downtown in forecasted rain/snow/sleet. Although must really get the poor car serviced before toiling it down to Binghamton on Saturday.

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Some things never change

Sometimes when you feel like you’re in an emotional hole so deep you need a fireman to get you out, the tiniest thing happens and that’s enough to yank you out of your funk. And when you’re terrified that you’ll break down, that tiny thing is enough to put back all the stops and prevent all the tears.

All that can be said right now is that the two of you fucking deserve each other.

Ain’t no headlights on the road tonight
Ain’t nobody here to make it right
‘Cause we couldn’t seem to find a way for love to stay
If you had another night too give
I would have another night to live
But you’re never gonna see me cry the last goodbye

Atomic Kitten, Last Goodbye

Getting there

Had Pitches rehearsal for the first time after Thanksgiving break. Was extremely annoying throughout because Saralin and Melissa would not stop fooling around, and was this close to bellowing at them to just shut the fuck up. Also, a new girl has been chosen to take over as Soprano 1 as of next semester, so she was there today to watch the rehearsal and learn some songs. The next twelve days with them are clearly going to be a living Hell. Will be opening tables in the Student Union again this Wednesday and Thursday, and the next Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, to promote the concert and the new CD, which — praise God — will finally be out by the end of the week. Su Yen will be coming along to Binghamton on Saturday, thank God; will not have to drive back home alone in the middle of the night, and will be able to detach from all the insanity that is the Pitches.

Am graduating in less than two weeks. The Choir concert is on December 7, after which will have nothing left to do for school, so that would technically be the last day of classes for self. After that will have to scrape together a job somehow, with all the resources and feminine wiles that am able to muster up. Hopefully, by some great good fortune, will be able to procure a job in time to catch the upcoming H1 application window in April, or am doomed to wait for the next one which will be in 2008. Either that, or will just have to turn tricks.

God forgive me

Forgive me for all my sins, for all my mistakes, for all the broken hearts.

Forgive me for never having the strength to do what was needed, but what I wanted.

Forgive me for only learning now what I should have learned so very long ago.

Forgive me for never having the courage to face all the troubles until it was too late.

Forgive me, God, for everything.

Thank You, God, for everything

Spent Thanksgiving in Buffalo for the very first time this year. Not that it really mattered anyway, because wasn’t feeling very well yesterday and was definitely not in the mood to do anything except cower in bed.

They say that every Thanksgiving we should all be thankful for the things — good and bad — that have happened to us over the course of the year. And I always wonder, What the hell do I have to be thankful for? Two Thanksgivings ago I was thankful to have gotten away from home and made it to this country, and I was thankful for the friends who, though they didn’t realize it, were helping me get through the bad times I was facing back then. Last Thanksgiving I was thankful for having finally escaped the past and moved on, and I was thankful to see my mother again in Manhattan, if even for only a few days.

So what am I thankful for this year? So many things have happened, and yet am not too sure if should be thankful for them or curse them. Through all the battles and obstacles, heartbreaks and rages, I miraculously got out of them. Should I be thankful that God helped me get through all the hurdles, or curse Him for ever throwing them my way in the first place? I fell in love with someone who broke my heart in the end, but who taught me many priceless lessons in the fourteen months that we were together, so is he to be blessed and cursed as well? There are so many things that we are thankful for, but we had to lay down our lives just to get them.

I know what I’m thankful for. I’m thankful that after four and a half years, I can finally graduate and stop leeching off my parents. I’m thankful that I was able to find comfort in my music when at times I thought that nothing would ever lift me out of all the unhappiness. I’m thankful that I finally know who my real friends are, and that in their own little ways, they helped me get back on my feet. I’m thankful that after agonizing over my future, I can at least say I know what I’m going do now. I’m thankful for that unknown strength that was somehow dredged up from within me to survive everything, make my peace, let go of the past completely, and begin a new life altogether, albeit on my own. And most of all, I’m thankful that I’ve finally started to grow up.

Will that be carry-on or check in?

Check in, please. And hopefully it’ll get lost in translation.

When we leave one relationship and get into another, why is it that we somehow end up bringing the excess baggage with us? Are we so incapable of letting go of the past that we feel the need to hang on to even a little smidgen of it by our teeth? No matter how much we snipe and gripe that the ex-boyfriend was a douchebag, and the ex-girlfriend was a scum-sucking ho-bag, there’s always that little trace of them left in us that we drag along into the next relationship. That may not even be justified as excess baggage anymore, but more like masochism.

I’ve left all my baggage behind. And I don’t intend to pick it up ever again.

OK you can stop looking now

“I hate it when they have like three people in the room. I mean, how many people do you actually need to look into your vag?” — Maddi

After today, three more people on this planet know that I go for Brazilian waxes.

At long last the damn twice-rescheduled colposcopy is done. Was little more than a pap smear, but rather more uncomfortable, as the speculum was left there for much longer and was well aware of a microscope being moved around the cervix. Also felt weird to have three people looking into the microscope: the resident actually performing the colposcopy, her supervising doctor, and her assistant. The good news is that there doesn’t seem to be any serious abnormality (“Everything looks good!” was the supervising doctor’s proclamation after spending a considerable amount of time with his eye fixed to the microscope); the bad news was that they decided to do a ‘random biopsy’ anyway, just in case am teetering on the edge of getting cervical cancer, so am now left with a tiny hole on the cervix which will bleed for the next couple of days and the impression of what period cramps must feel like. Yes, have never in all born days experienced period cramps, although Shirley is convinced that upon turning 28 the cramps will descend upon self.

Thanksgiving Break begins on Wednesday. Was initially supposed to visit Angie in Minneapolis this week, and had actually planned to leave today and stay until Friday, but then upon remembering the colposcopy had to put it off, after which discovered that leaving tomorrow would cost about $100 more, so that idea’s gone out the window. Then had talked about going to Manhattan with Su Yen, but as she just started working she has yet to sort out her finances, so that ship has sailed too. So am doomed to stay in Buffalo for Thanksgiving, for the first time ever, which isn’t so bad if the friends are here.

Decisions, decisions!

It seems as though that all life is made up of right now. Well, my life, at any rate.

Have found out that the Royal Pitches have been accepted back into the 2007 Season of the International Championship of Collegiate A Cappella (ICCA). The unfortunate thing is that the Quarterfinal Round the group has been assigned to is on February 24, 2007, at Lafayette College in Easton, PA, which is a good six-hour drive away from Buffalo. And as nobody has the time or money to travel all the way there, it has been agreed upon to try and have the group reassigned to either Syracuse University or Penn State University, which is at least reasonably closer. But then if the group is reassigned, then the Quarterfinal Round would be on February 3. And therein lies the dilemma.

A production company called Massimo Gallotta Productions is presenting a concert featuring Ennio Morricone’s work. Ennio Morricone is one of the greatest film music composers, and this is the first time he’s having a concert in the U.S. The concert is to be held on February 3, 2007 in Manhattan’s Radio City Music Hall, and will be televised worldwide, featuring performers like the cellist Yo-Yo Ma and Metallica. Professor Rosenbaum from Choir has been asked to bring in a group of singers, and besides his professional choirs, he’s also planning to bring the UB Choir. Am hoping to be accepted into the group, as this is a huge event, and there’s a chance we might be singing at the United Nations on February 2, which hasn’t been confirmed yet, but is just as significant.

Two events, one date. Which one to go for?

Speaking of which, here’s our CD cover: