the backstage epiphany

where reality is so subjective it's entirely optional

Monthly Archives: December 2006

Coming to a close

Found out last week that the January 31 rehearsal for the Ennio Morricone concert is only for Professor Rosenbaum’s New York Virtuoso Singers and Canticum Novum Singers, so even though am going to Manhattan on January 30 will not have to go for any rehearsals until February 1. Therefore will have an extra day to gallavant around the city and shop. The best part is that will be completely alone, so will not have to endure anyone complaining about the amount of walking and shopping.

Going to Albany tomorrow! Am very excited, because it’ll be Pitches and Chips there (even though the Chips are beh pai seh and somehow managed to strongarm their way into getting invited as well, nobody can help loving them), but am not looking forward to the 4-and-a half-hour drive there, even though am driving a car fit for long-distance traveling and will have company there and back. Will be driving with Ece and Lila, and hopefully Saralin so will not have to endure the entire journey just listening to the incessant chatter. Everyone’s meeting at the Chips’ house, so that everyone goes together; am leaving at about 2PM so that will get there in time to get ready for the Governor’s New Year’s Eve Reception at 9PM. Everyone is staying at the Holiday Inn Express, and have been assigned to a room with Shannyn, so that should be fun. We’ll be singing at the Inauguration the next day at about 1.30PM, and apparently at several different locations, until about 4PM, after which some people are probably staying for a James Taylor concert at 5PM. Am not, obviously, staying any longer than neccesary, as I refuse to drive all the way home from Albany at some ungodly hour, so as soon as am done singing will come back to Buffalo.


The chicken or the egg?

Which comes first?

Is it possible to start a relationship when there is no love involved yet, or does love always have to come first where relationships are concerned? If it’s the latter, then wouldn’t it be more of a crush, or a little-girl fancy, that starts a relationship, because the word love in itself is such a sweeping generalization? If a relationship were started without love being involved, then it wouldn’t be called a relationship, would it?

Thanks, Sofiya, for you have succeeded in thoroughly disorienting me.

The Holy Grail of love

“When it comes to relationships, maybe we’re all in glass houses, and shouldn’t throw stones, because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some settle for nothing less than butterflies…” – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex & The City: Season 5: Episode 8: I Love A Charade

Am talking to Maddi this very minute, and she has come to the conclusion that when it comes to men and relationships, her standards are now so inordinately high that she is destined to end up either alone or unfulfilled. Which now leads to the question: are our standards really too high, or are there people who just can’t seem to meet those stipulations? And if the standards really are that high, then are we doomed to spend our lives in the company of cats — or dogs — while maintaining an endless hunt for the perfect person that our imaginations have conjured up? Or do we settle and be grateful for what we already have and stop the relentless pursuit for what everyone believes is a sure sign of having found the perfect person: the butterflies?

Happy Birthday Sexy Geisha

Had the quietest birthday in all born days yesterday, which was a nice change really, as could keep to self and not bother about anything or anybody else. Went shopping on Tuesday and splurged on clothes and shoes, and as the weather is nice today will probably do that again after the monthly Brazilian wax and long-overdue haircut.

Am 22 years old; 22 years old and still unsure of what to do with self. It’s unreal.

Out of the 26 birthday messages on Facebook wall yesterday, none was as well-thought-out or entertaining as this one, courtesy of Ryan Rogers from the Chips:

Dear Sexy Geisha,

I noticed that it is your b-day. Our little lady has finally become a woman. A woman who enjoys leaving parties as soon as I get there, and ignoring me every chance she gets…but a woman nonetheless. I have no doubt in my mind that tonight you will once again be out on another one of your drunken sexual rampages, so live it up and have a great birthday.

Pz out homie.

Pitchip: The Beginning

Went to the Chips’ house last night for our Chips & Pitches (‘Pitchip’) dinner. We never ever do anything that involves only Chips and Pitches, so it was Rich’s idea to do this. Everyone was there except Ryan Gentner from the Chips, and Anna — 22 of us in total. The guys brought every table and chair available in the house to make one LONG dinner table. Was a lot of fun, and ate a lot too, after which everyone went downstairs to the living room to hang out, and ended up singing each other’s songs. Was rather funny that the Pitches know the Chips’ songs a lot better than the Chips know the Pitches’ songs.

Am turning 22 tomorrow. Although with all the nonsense that’s happened in the past couple of years, it feels more like turning 82.

Because of you

I actually thought I could have the kind of life every woman wants, and the kind of life I always dreaded.

I will never again harbor thoughts of giving up my entire self just to please other people.

I learned to live with insecurities that I never even knew were there before.

I am now the bitter cynic who will always think that love only exists in the movies, and that very inaccurately.

I will always be haunted by the fear that I will never be good enough for anyone.

I will never again believe in forever.


Today seems like one of those days. One of those days when it’s cloudy and gloomy outside, and you don’t feel like going out because you’re afraid it might be too cold, and you don’t really have anywhere to go anyway. One of those days when you stay at home all day with no company at all except your own thoughts.

Cannot believe is already December. Once again, have absolutely no idea where the year went, and as usual, do not feel as though have done anything productive. Am lucky to have even survived the year, considering everything that has happened. We all begin a new year with such bright, happy hopes for a bright, happy future, but more often than not, as the year draws to a close, we realize that even though we came close to having our hopes fulfilled, we’re still as far away as we ever were from the happiness we fought so hard to get.

Now that have graduated, have been reflecting on the past semesters, right from the first semester in UB nearly three years ago. Three years. Three years of riding the biggest emotional rollercoaster ever created. Three years of drama, disappointments and heartache, where the only real happiness ever found was literally in the music. Joining Professor Rosenbaum’s UB Choir and the Royal Pitches were the brightest spots in all the time spent in UB, and the old love for music was finally rekindled. Also found the very few real friends who have made coming to UB all worth it, and finally learned to tell the difference between friend and freeloader.

When you think back to the past, you realize there are the clothes you can’t believe you wore, the boys you can’t believe you kissed, the people you can’t believe you were ever friends with, and the friends you can’t believe you ever lived without.

Another chance

It feels weird not to be in Pitches rehearsal for the first time in probably 14 weeks. Have been lounging around the house all day, not really knowing what to do with self. The Chips’ show last night was pretty good, but not as good as it could have been, for some strange reason. One of the new Chips’ songs was completely flat, because he somehow couldn’t get the key right. Went for the after-party at the Chips’ house, which was pretty fun, but somehow not as crowded as usual.

Also, have just heard from Maddi that the Royal Pitches have been selected to sing at the Eliot Spitzer Inauguration on January 1, 2007! Eliot Spitzer is the New York State Attorney General who is now Governor-elect of New York, so this Inauguration Ceremony would be a really huge deal on the Pitches’ resume. The event will be held in Albany, the Pitches were chosen over the Chips; apparently there will be groups from other cities like Rochester and Syracuse as well, and the Pitches are ‘representing’ Buffalo. Naturally, am going to sing with them in Albany, even though am not quite in the group anymore.