the backstage epiphany

where reality is so subjective it's entirely optional

Monthly Archives: January 2007

New York, New York

Back on Sunday!



Oh my God!

Am finally back in Buffalo. Back to ice and snow and wind. Back to own bed, own bathroom, and own computer.

Filming has been a lot of fun, even though it was just a lot of waiting around for everything to be set up. Had dubbing session with Ken, the producer of the film, yesterday, after which went for dinner with him, Giovanni and Steven. Am so glad that was able to meet people like Ken and Steven, and have realized just how tiny a world this is and how much Malaysians actually gossip.

Picture time!

Touching base

Have finally gained access to the Internet. Am currently in the living room of co-actor Steven, who plays the man am supposed to seduce, San Gabriel, California. Have been here since noon, just waiting to be called in for filming.

The flight from Buffalo on Thursday morning was 40 minutes late, which resulted in almost missing the connecting flight to L.A. from Cincinnati, Ohio. Arrived in L.A. at about 11:20AM, where was picked up by Giovanni. Will forever be grateful that had not moved to L.A. after all, as am used to the traffic — or lack thereof — in Buffalo, and would not have had the patience for the awful traffic in L.A. After getting to the Budget Inn, Giovanni went off for a job interview, and after he was done he came back to pick me up to meet Yuh Wen, the other actress for this movie, and go to The Grove, a mall in Downtown Hollywood, to look for outfits for the movie.

Then went back to Hollywood and Beverly Hills yesterday, and spent the entire day walking, which resulted in a blister on each heel, and hopefully some weight loss. Am officially in love with Rodeo Drive now.

Am going to have lunch now, and after that will be time to start filming. God speed.

Wrapping up

Feel as though am riding a roller coaster in slow motion. There seem to be a lot of things to do, but feel as though am getting absolutely nothing done. Have to go to Baker Victory later for physical, where am going to get a mandatory tuberculosis vaccine, even though was vaccinated at birth and age twelve. It’s no secret that am deathly terrified of injections, and have never forgotten how much the BCG shot hurt ten years ago. And apparently this company has to give a tuberculosis shot every year; will never have to be afraid of becoming a consumptive.

Have first choir rehearsal today at 4PM. Am looking through the music for the first time today, and it’s not difficult, but there’s a lot of it. Professor Rosenbaum wants to work on this and nothing else for the next two weeks. Am missing tomorrow’s rehearsal because will be in LA, and will be missing the last Wednesday rehearsal because will already be in Manhattan. So will have to be sure to learn this on own accord too.

Tomorrow’s flight to LA will be at 6:40AM. Will have to get up before the crack of dawn and truck it to the airport by 5:40AM; the mans will have to wake up even earlier than usual to drive me to the airport, God love him. Am supposed to arrive in LA at about 11AM PST, and Giovanni has promised to pick me up. Am staying at the Budget Inn in San Gabriel, so will not have to bunk with anyone and make self a nuisance.

And life goes on

Praise God everything is finally falling into place, after three weeks of panic fits and anxiety attacks. It seems like life isn’t so much of a great big mess anymore.

Have to go for a physical at Baker Victory next Wednesday. There is no word on the H1 yet, but once have started working there the process would be made somewhat easier. Hopefully this stint doesn’t go to the dogs like everything else did.

A surprising thing happened yesterday. An old friend from INTI and later on UB suddenly IMed yesterday, and after talking for a while, he revealed that he’s working on a short film in L.A., and asked if I wanted to be in it, to play the part of a Ph.D student/whore (have clearly been stereotyped for roles like that, as played something similar in Dan Kowalski’s The Scoop). So will be going to L.A. next Thursday, January 18 — and coming back to Buffalo on Monday, January 22. Hopefully it won’t be a waste of time.

Cannot wait to go to Manhattan! Am bored to tears of Buffalo, and in dire need of a dose of the city. Will be going there January 30 and coming back February 4. Which brings about the reminder that have not practiced the music for the United Nations and Radio City concerts at a.


Yes. Have been hired, on the first ever interview. Baker Victory Services has hired moi. The pay is miserable, but the H1 might actually come with it. And it’s a not-for-profit organization, so will not have to compete in the quota for the H1 visa. Will be working with kids between the ages of 12 and 21, and thank god it’s not a desk job. Am obviously not going to be living on the miserable pay for the rest of life; am just going to be destitute for a while, but will get by somehow. The parents have promised to continue financial support for a while until am able to survive on the pittons that am making, so it shouldn’t be too bad.

The most bizzare thing was that during the interview, while listening to the woman talk about the job and what entails it, was just sitting there thinking, I’ve spent my whole life being selfish. Now would be the time to stop and help others for a change. Will only be working four days a week, but at least ten hours a day; on weekdays would start work at about 2:30PM, and on weekends would work at 9AM, and all days could end as late as midnight. Despite all that, actually found the job quite appealing, as it is similar to the stint at Bennett High School, only evidently more challenging and with more ungodly hours. But as the mother said, as long as am happy in it — and the H1 comes with it — nothing else really matters.


Sometimes you just can’t please everybody. You try to accommodate more than one person at a time, but it’s never good enough. There will always be shortcomings and disappointments, and only anger and bitterness in the end.

Sometimes we just have to wonder why we still even bother to try. Are we in severe denial, or is there really that miniscule smidgen of a chance that in the end things will work out the way we’d always hoped they would? What is it that makes us think this is all worth it?

Am being a bloody doormat .

Happy 2007!

Am back from Albany. The last two days were excruciating, but a lot of fun. Praise God it’s all over.

Met up with everyone who was leaving from Buffalo at 2PM at the Chips’ house on Sunday, and drove to Albany with Saralin, Lila and Stephanie. Could have made it to Albany in about three and a half hours, because was flying down the highway at 95 mph, but then it took four hours because we stopped for food on the way. Got to Albany at about 6:30PM, and checked in at the Holiday Inn Express, after which had to hurry and get ready for dinner — which was at TGIF, thanks to reservations that beloved Danny Hatem made — and the Lt. Governor David Paterson’s New Year’s Eve Reception. The Reception was at the Crowne Plaza Albany in Downtown Albany, and it was a lot of fun, although aside from Chips and Pitches, everyone else was at least 35 years old. By the time the Reception was over and everyone made it back to the hotel, it was about 2AM and everyone was dead.

Had to wake up at 7:15AM yesterday to get ready for the bus that would bring the performers from Holiday Inn to the Empire State Plaza, where the Inauguration Ceremony was held. Arrived at about 8:30AM, then wasted the next six hours waiting to perform. The Chips and Pitches were given a room to wait in, and it was the longest six hours of everybody’s life. By the time it came time to sing, was ready to kill self or anyone else.

Singing was a torture. There were three different locations to sing in, all of which were crowded and noisy, and had to sing without microphones, so everyone was bellowing their poor lungs out for nearly three hours. By the time we were done singing it was almost 5:30PM, and when the bus finally got us back to the Holiday Inn, it was 6:15PM, and after rushing to change out of black dresses and heels back into traveling clothes, it was 6:30PM. Dropped Melissa off in Syracuse, which was on the way, and drove the rest of the way home with Lila. Astoundingly, was not sleepy in the least, and managed to drive all the way home without stopping, and finally arrived at 10:30PM.